This is the last blog we will write before actually being in the Dominican Republic full time, in the next week and a half from writing this, we will have done all the Thanksgivings and Christmases and getting together with people in person before we leave. People ask us constantly if we’re ready, and sometimes the answer is “heck yes, let’s do it, I can’t wait to dive right in and my heart feels so on fire!” but there are other moments where I just say, “I mean we’re going whether we’re ready or not, right?” and both responses are true. How does one become “ready?” We’re working on packing, I’ve made countless lists of countless things, we have appointments for making sure our cats can travel, appointments for TSA precheck, appointments for things I didn’t even realize I needed to make appointments for. I think these things mean we’re ready, but I don’t know what to pack or what to leave behind. I don’t know what to do with our things we wanted to get rid of, I don’t know what to do if we don’t raise enough support, but I know we’ll go anyway. Recently it feels like the enemy is attacking us spiritually, like things keep going wrong and falling apart when it felt like before everything was falling into place exactly how it was supposed to. We’re struggling with finances and mental health and relationships and I want to fix everything before we get on that plane so that we can leave everything the “right way,” but let’s be honest, life is messy. However, it goes on regardless of whether I leave everything clean and tidy in the US or not, there’s always going to be something to fix, here, there, wherever I go.
This month I’ve really tried to prioritize having some slower moments, not rushing through things, this has been a struggle my whole life. I won’t say everyday I have gotten to really sit with the Lord in my quiet time for more than a few minutes, but there were more days this month than last that I got to have longer, intentional quiet times. I had the pleasure of making tea or coffee and sitting down at a table and taking my time reading, writing, and praying without rushing or cutting it short or getting interrupted. I’ve also gotten to take some time to be intentional with friendships this month, catching up with friends and just being close to them. We even got to have a send off party where we got to see even more friends and family in our community who are supporting us in many ways, and we felt so loved by all of them. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask a single person to take a photo with me, and I love having photos and keeping the memories when I’m with people, but in the moment I don’t even think about it, but I don’t need the photos, though perhaps one day I’ll take enough to really fill an album and look back at all the people and moments I cherish so deeply.
I met with a friend today, one who I’ve gotten to know over the last two years from our church community, and I was talking to her about things I’ve been struggling with, and she reminded me today that God has already walked whatever I’m going through, that He had the future in mind in the beginning, and he knows my heart, my hurt, and wants me to ask him for what I need. She also reminded me to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and give them to the Lord. Words I knew but needed to be reminded of. I was reminded to take captive every thought of worry and fear and bring them to the cross, and be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2). I am so thankful for friends who speak truth like this so lovingly into my life, every time we get together she always relates anything I’m going through with the Bible and invites me to pray and praise. I thank God for these kinds of people sent to breathe refreshing truth into our lives.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2.
When I worry and believe the lie that I have to do all this alone, I am conforming to this world, and only when I give that up and allow my mind to be renewed, then I can discern what is the will of God and be obedient to him. This verse is what I strive to live by, but it is so easy to want to conform to this world, but I know that there is true peace and joy when I allow God to transform me into His likeness, and that is what motivates me to continue walking in the light when temptation to feel shame starts to creep in and whisper lies.
I can’t do anything myself, as much as I try, I have to rely on the Lord and bring my worries and my burdens to Him. I know I also need to allow those He has put into my life to support me as well, and share with them when I’m struggling. I often fear being an inconvenience to others, and feel guilty whenever I ask for things, but lately people have shown up for us in so many ways, sometimes before we even ask for help, and I see the Lord’s provision in this so often, and I’m working on being grateful instead of guilty.
This month has been full of hard moments, busy days, lasts and goodbyes, and most importantly, joyful moments filled with love. We have been reminded of how blessed we are to have so many people who make it hard for us to leave, but at the same time, these people support us and encourage us especially when it’s hard.
Some more little highlights this month: We saw Wicked together twice (I didn’t like it as much as my musical loving heart wanted to, and I could write pages on why but I’ll save it, and it was still good nonetheless). I got to spend a lot of time making coffee, homemade teas, and baking! We have been loving spending time with our cats, snuggling, playing, and just being entertained by their silly habits. I had my last shift at my barista job, which was bittersweet. I will miss the sunrises I always catch at work, as well as my coworkers (who made me feel so loved on my last day) and the regulars I’ve gotten to know over the last couple of years, many of whom have also taken time to get to know me.
Prayer requests:
- Surrendering our fears and worries to the Lord
- The Lord’s provision for both financial support and time to get things done
- Praise for the many faithful people in our community who have been an immense help to us
- For building new relationships and community in the near future
- Strength in our marriage
- Peace for our families
- Physical and mental health
- Deeper connection to the Lord
- Deeper connection with each other in our marriage
