I wish there were a lesson every week that I could present to all of you and say, “This is what God is teaching me.” My blog would be neat, tidy, and pleasant. There would be no rambling, or wondering if what I say makes sense to anyone, or wondering if it’s essential that it makes sense to anyone. This is, in reality, a blog about me; how I feel, and what I experience. Is it essential that I make sense to everyone else? I try to be honest in sharing the good with the bad. It’s necessary to be honest about life here, but I also know that there is a level that would be so hard for people to understand since they have never lived here.
Recently, life has felt rough. Like all life has to offer me is disappointment and heartbreak. Which then leads me down that rabbit hole of comparison, and not feeling like enough.
I read a friend’s Facebook post today that said, “If the devil can’t make you sin, he will make you busy. No time for prayer, no time for Bible reading, no time for devotionals …” How can it be that when living a life of full-time ministry, this resonates so much with me? You see, while we do ministry full-time, it means that we are always busy making sure the team has everything it needs for the week to be successful, planning for teams coming in 6 weeks, etc. I can’t speak for Katelyn, but I know that there are some days I feel like I’m just busy.
In those hectic weeks, comparisons can sneak in. Usually, I compare myself to others around me and think I’m not as good a Christian as they are. I have no business helping to lead this ministry. The truth is, I do genuinely believe God opened doors for me to be here. However, I still have questions about my own faith in who God is in my life, and my ability to surrender my whole life to him. That comparison screams at me when I sit in church. I look at all the people around me and I imagine that they are truly saints, people who live out the Gospel of Jesus so well, but there is no way I could ever be as good as them. Some friends here can quote scripture so fast, and while I know the stories of the Bible, I couldn’t tell you which book they are in or the verse. This makes me feel less than.
You know that disappointment I talked about, it’s not typical. At least it hasn’t been until recently. The enemy has been whispering to me lately, making me think about the future. When will I say goodbye to the DR.? I have another year to serve on my initial commitment here. Around this time next year, I’ll know if I’m staying longer or going. But a few weeks ago, I told a friend it’s like it doesn’t matter what I do; if I stay, I’ll just be disappointed for missing things at home like school plays, babies, weddings, etc. If I wait, I will eventually face the disappointment and heartbreak of saying goodbye to people who have accepted me into their lives and given me so much.
Recently, I have been listening to a sermon from Pastor Chris Freeman at least 2 to 3 times a week to be more in the Word and to be reminded of God’s truths. I’m currently listening to their series from this summer on Ephesians. I’m still learning from this book!
One sermon I listened to last week was on Ephesians 3, what stood out to me was the part he shared about versus 14-15: “For this reason I kneel before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named.”
Here’s what Pastor Chris had to say about that, and man, was it a good reminder for me when I’m in the comparison trap or when I’m approaching someone for the first time.
“Every family on earth is derived from one Heavenly Father. Every person you’ve ever met is made in the image of God. Every single person. Therefore, we should see every person as an image bearer of God, no matter what they believe. Even if they are not Christian, they are an image bearer of God. They are someone He longs to adopt into His family. There is no one that we have ever laid eyes on that God does not love, and there never will be.”
It’s that simple, my friends. God loves you, and he loves me. Even on the days I choose to let the whisper of the enemy in, and my flesh wins, God still loves me.
November has been a busy month. We started off by hosting Northwoods church as they completed Alpha. Alpha is a class that focuses on evangelism. Kate did a lot of the behind-the-scenes planning for this team, which was in the middle of some medical teams, but they had a great week. I sadly spent almost the whole week at home, sitting on my couch, with a fever and cough. I’m thankful Bianca came to take care of me, and Kate brought me anything I needed. The following week, we hosted an ENT surgery team and completed 39 surgeries for families from near and far! Katelyn, Hilda, Bianca, and I attended a women’s conference in Santo Domingo. It was nice to spend time with them at the conference, but the conference was a struggle for me to follow with the translation. We finished the month with a double-barrio team. Both teams had a great week, and we even completed some nursing education at CCED and UASD.
We have a few weeks off before our last team comes for the year. Kate is hosting a wicked party at my house tonight. I have green and pink on my walls; she’s ready! We will work on student sponsorship items next week, and hopefully Kate can complete that big task. Then Kate and I are heading to the Capitol to spend a few days in the colonial zone. We aren’t hosting Thanksgiving this year, but we will spend some days away relaxing. (I’m going to let Kate share all about our Wicked party & about our experiences in the Capitol, so look for those things in her blog).
Still no Spanish classes, but these upcoming weeks off are the best time to get some scheduled!
Prayer Requests:
– Surrendering to God’s timing
– Health (I currently find myself getting sick again)
– Preparations for January/February teams
– Spanish comprehension
– Continue relationship building with clinic staff (our successful ENT week was only because of their help)
– Prayers for being away from my family for the holidays
– Prayers for my mom’s recovery (she has recently had some health issues)
– More time with the Lord during this slower season
